Welcome May...

My Darling Gran was called May and today I welcomed the month of May in.

We have had 2 days of sunshine, glorious sunshine!

The blossom trees in the street came out a couple of weeks back and the frost got them over night.  

Our exposed little corner always means our blossom comes out a few weeks after and this year has been the saving grace for it.

While others are looking brown and grotty ours is today in full bloom.

Welcome May

I am happy to report that my love story with my little home continues.  It helps when I get to see this every day, watch the washing swish on the line and open the curtains to let the light flood in.

Fingers crossed that the Sun Gods continue to shine

***

Falling out of Love...

I have fallen out of love with my home....

I think perhaps it happened around the time when Fonzy was born, when soon after my Gran became ill and every day felt like a fight for her health.  
Watching her grow weaker and weaker, slowly becoming less the amazing woman I loved.  Reversing our roles.

And then when she died, my heart quite literally broke.

  Overwhelmed and unable to cope with more than crowd/fire control it slowly slipped away from being my true little oasis to simply a house that we live in.  

On the surface all looks well; almost fine and dandy.  

But look beyond the daily family wear and tear you see it is somewhat 'shabby' and not really all that 'chic'!

This week I have finished painting the walls on the landing and stairwell and as predicted the woodwork is looking a tad rough {scuffed and chipped and why oh why does it yellow so much?}.  The carpet on the stairs already looked a bit grubby but with the finger printed walls it looked reasonable; now it looks awful.

The doors look fresh with a coat of paint, but now the bathroom is looking dull in comparison to the nice clean white matt door.

Finally though I think I am beginning to really become happy again here.  Possible finally truly happy within myself.  

I've made the right noises till now, but my heart wasn't in it.

 Going through the motions, doing absolute bare minimum to keep afloat.  

The turnaround started last year, painting and clearing the bedrooms was a good start.

Our home is modern and would be a reasonable size for a normal sized family but we are an almost super sized family!  
And there are no spare surfaces, spaces or corners.  This bugs and frustrates me.

To fit in furniture other doors have had to be removed and this gives a lovely open plan feel to downstairs but it does mean there are NO quiet or private spaces.

And when I was feeling so very overwhelmed I needed space.   

Resentment built, not loving the home made it a house.  

Now perhaps it is the weather, the sun always makes me see things in a happier lens, but I feel a difference.

I want to feel proud of my home again, not embarrassed. 
That I care is a good sign.

It's not all about going out and buying new furniture {although we have started a savings fund to replace the sofas}...I do however want to give this house a bit of TLC.  
Fix or replace what is broken. 
Im not setting any goals or targets; it's not a race or competition and to be honest I'm not up for feeling like a failure when I miss deadlines or targets.



{{ Happy Weekending }}
***

Green Eyed Monster...

I try very, very hard to push that churning, miserable, happiness sapping Green Eyed Monster firmly back into the pit of my stomach.

I have so very, very much to be grateful and happy with in my life...

but...

every now and then that rotten little monster creeps chokingly up my throat.

So what you ask am I bitching about today?

I'm wanting me space.

A space to call my own.  

Not to escape my family, oh no! 

I have the sense enough to realise the time with my little ones is borrowed time and precious...

I'm talking about time and space for me.

One day in the not so distant and now clearly visible future my littlest man will go to school.  One day I will need to fill my days with productive, cash rewarding work.

And there we spot that snipey little monster rearing its horrible head.  

I'm jealous of those lovely mamas who are able to create their little empires on their own terms doing what they love and what they are good at.

I'm not proud of this jealousy but I have to acknowledge it, to show it the light of day before kicking it firmly in the nuts and shutting it back in the dark!

I have a dream, a wish, a real want...

a space to take my suitcase of wonders, my paints, my old battered pieces of furniture, my sewing machine, my fabrics, my yarns, my books, my magazines...

my me-ness

To turn that space into a 'studio' a place of creation and work. 

Perhaps after a time working in the 'real world' the stars will fall into alignment, Gran will keep an eye out for me and hey presto without causing hardship to my families finances I will find this space of wonder?

It's all ifs, buts and maybes.

In my dream world I have it all!

A small retail unit, in a friendly little town, with space at the back to work and be me.

A family business, where my kiddos as they grow could lend a hand, where at the end of the day we head home to my brood and swap stories of our day, sharing it all.

**Wouldn't that just be peachy and perfect?** 

Spring is Sprung...

I am feeling Springlike, I want to see daffodils or tulips in our home.

Re-hashing Loopy's picture of the rice-crispy cakes she made last Easter for the blog header, until we have a happy snap or two of pretty flowers.

These were from last  year, the Spring sign in the background is out again this year.

A trip to the supermarket should remedy the lack of prettiness this week.

In other not so interesting news the great Spring clean has almost finished here!  2 bin bags full of rubbish from the kids rooms, seriously how can we have had 2 bin bags of crud hiding in their already crowded rooms?!

I feel chuffed with the clean up, Winter is a time to batten down the hatches, snuggle under blankets, close the curtains and ignore {to a certain extent} the mess.  Spring is the time to throw the windows open, blow out the cobwebs {literally and metaphorically} clean the rooms, breathe life back into it all.  A slight change of rooms, get them working ready for summer....Summer I can hardly wait.

Feeling bright despite it all

Sunshine!...

Yesterday we had flurries of snow, nothing serious...no menace to them but it DID snow on and off for most of the day.

Today we have

!!!SUNSHINE!!!

So today I have had a fantastical spring clean downstairs 

{not brave enough to tackle upstairs as well mind you}!

There is a reason for the big clean though...I wanted to get the paints out.  I bought a new paint after the last Priddy Priddy stall at MK Vintage and Handmade...a new brand and I've been itching for the chance to give it a trial!

The sun is lovely, it's pouring through the patio doors as I type, the odd cloud here and there blocks it for a time but it keeps finding a way to sneak back through.

Fonzy is running in and out, bringing me things long lost from the garden, sneakliy feeding the chickens snippets of apple!

Today life is feeling quite tickety boo, I don't want to jinx this good feeling, so fingers crossed for a few more happy days!

Three Gifts...

From two 'not so wise' parents!

According to an old book, a long time ago three wise men gave a small baby three gifts...

Three gifts...if it was enough back then, well it's enough now.

So again just to remind myself before I get suckered into the 'spend, spend, spend' merry go round...

Something they want/like

Something they need

Something to read

want, need read is my new mantra for the upcoming weeks.  

Limiting gifts has meant more effort is being put into each gift, more thought making it, in my heart and mind, all that more special.

Limiting the budget just adds that extra little challenge...

Spinning Carousel...

I spotted the first Christmas 'tat' in the supermarket earlier this week!

September isn't done already and there it was, 

pushing it's way through, elbowing Halloween & Guy Fawkes Night and trampling over the Rememberance Day poppies.

OK not literally but that's how it feels.

We have lovely festivals to share and celebrate; I feel a bit sad when large retailers seem to pressure us into one-up-man-ship that Christmas is the be all and end all.

What's that? Did you ask am I anti Christmas?  Well heck no!!

I just want to enjoy the year at my pace and enjoy ALL the festivals;

I'd like to give thanks to Mother Nature for the harvest and offer enough to the Harvest Festival to give a meal,

Spend time with my family remembering love ones past on Day of the Dead, sharing food, light, laughter and love,

Enjoy a freezing BBQ with sparklers flashing and fireworks popping, reminding the children of the story of Guy Fawkes,

Remembering those who gave their lives so willingly fighting for our freedom, we'll wear our poppies with HUGE pride and gratitude

Battening down the hatches, decorating our home with love,

decorating our tree, sharing a meal, sharing love and laughter and yes sharing presents

Snuggling in till New Years Day and our trip to the seaside to blow out the old year and start 2013.

Sometimes I need to remind myself to step off the carousel, stop and inhale all that I have already and simply enjoy.  

Close my eyes to the outside world.

Listing...

Lists...

The Wanties; a list of items that one does not need but would like/want

usually items that are beyond the normal price range, therefore out of reach

hence the name

'wanties'

The Needs; commonly confused with 'The Wanties' 

listed items that ones really does need, essential things that usually the home needs

sometimes combined with The Must Do' especially around the back to school season, Christmas etc

To Do; be it a daily list of things to do or more likely a weekly list of things to do

Mostly home orientated and mostly listed to ensure that we all eat and get to where we should be

Must Do; Usually a project based list to ensure all is done, having the memory of a goldfish means that a 'Must Do' list is essential to ensure projects are completed

Wish List; usually tied into the Things to do before I die List;

mostly travel orientated

Crafty List; by far and away the longest and quickest growing list.  

Possibly never to be fully completed as it grows daily

Of course I jest... 

I don't have time usually to make lists, let alone ensure each list is correctly 'listed'!!

Does me good though sometimes to remember to separate 'The Wanties' with 'The Needs'

Plastic in the House and other Ramblings...

Despite a conscious effort on my part for the past 3years we still have a lot of plastic/commercial toys in the house.  Some of the toys have been with us for almost 20years Lego for instance, others are new to RV and then passed down to Fonzy {and then added to} Disney Cars is one.  Others are completely new to the house...Playmobil

I have never in my entire life bought a Barbie doll for the girls {Im sure I haven't!} or a Bratz doll and have an aversion to them.  I packed the last of these dolls away last year to the loft in the hope to boot sale them this year...but Loopy has been asking about them recently.

We have a large collection of toy cars, some from their papa, a few new ones but 90% are 2nd hand - which in my messed up way makes them greener therefore ok!

We also have a large collection of dolls, baby dolls in plastic.  All are loved and some belonged to Abba, dressed {once again 2nd hand}in baby things.

We've reduced the number of plastic storage boxes to a minimum...room to improve still but it grates on me to get rid of decent storage just because it's plastic and it doesn't seem green to do so, just pointless.  {I'll boot sale a few more storage boxes this year send them onto new homes not landfill}

It is hard to expect my whole family to embrace what is in fact my ideal, not theirs.  Old habits die hard, what I found acceptable for the older children is less so for the younger ones, but how do I explain that to the older ones?  {at the moment I reason that I've learnt better/different ways}

I think in the world I live in, the home we live in, we will always have to compromise.  The house is small, oh so small for 8 of us to live in.  We will have the need for Ikea storage for some time yet, we will never be off grid or self sufficient, that's my dream not my families.

But I am now happy this way, happy in my skin. 

I've looked at many inspirational blogs, ooohed at the photo's, marveled at their creativity, been green with envy at their ability to grow their own food and marveled again at the happy home schooled children sitting politely around the table eating their home made goodness!!

My family will never be that family and do you know what?...that's just fine with me...that works for them and I LOVE to read it and see it on their blog but it's just not us.

Once again I ramble but the idea of this little blog is to be a record of where we are, to chart the family growth, both physically and emotionally.  Where I am as a mama and in years to come to look back on and chuckle at how much I worried about trying to store the groceries in glass jars not plastic pots!

Jelly Wobbles...

We've stalled slightly with the reading here and Im hoping to engage her to start again, picking up where we left.  Her reading is a funny thing, not funny ha ha but funny as in mind boggling.

She has had no formal learning at school, not a year or term of learning her letter sounds from a professional,  or from watching her friends and peers on how they do things.  

I have immense pride in the fact that she is learning to read with what we have done together but I also have HUGE doubts as to whether I am doing enough and the right thing for her.  

This week I have had a major case of the jelly wobbles with home-schooling...the better weather has meant we have all but abandoned the formal work and taken to the garden once again.  All lovely stuff and to see her with the chickens, Fonzy and their capers really does warm the heart but...well it is hard to step aside from the norm and have faith in something I have no experience in.  

The school system worked for the older children and is working for RV and I'm more than sure it would work for Loopy.  

This is where we are possibly a bit different from other home schooling families I have met to date.  Most have had a bad experience with the school system, and feel let down, unable to trust the system to provide what their child needs.  We haven't had that experience in the primary school system and would have been happy for Loopy to have gone to the school her older siblings went and still go to.

Gah on good days I feel we do enough, on a recent parents evening I popped my head in the door of the Year1 class to see what was on the wall and in fairness we are working along the same lines. Concentrating on reading, 1-20 number work, we do a lot of art/design work and the only 'thing' we are missing would be the maths shapes.  

But on a bad day it feels that we should be 'working', not enjoying what we're doing and where we're at.  Her reading level is probably lower than the vast majority of her peers, her writing is sloppy...but for every negative I can (on a good day) find a positive

Whoa not sure where all that came from!  

Obviously a lot on my mind, triggered by the Nursery open day we took Fonzy along to and chatting with the staff who remember the olders ones...answering questions and feeling defensive (I didn't need to feel defensive they were all lovely but I DO feel defensive about our homeschooling for all the reasons above!)

Mumbling...

*patience*

I swear by all things dear to me that I hoover (downstairs) once a day and wash up at least three times a day.

I hoover the stairs every other day or so and hoover the upstairs once a week.

If you were to walk into my home tonight (it's 9pm and I should not be on tinternet I could be cleaning/tidying...but I'm not) you would think we had been robbed.  In fact if we had been robbed I would be unable to tell the SOCO where to start looking for clues.

You would marvel that such a small and over-crowded home could accommodate quite so much on its floor and you may also wonder if the sink of washing up will be done before dawn (Im wondering that too at the moment)

I want to encourage creativity, I want to embrace these years when they are so little and life is lived without care every single day...

but why oh why does that need to involve emptying boxes of tiny foot stabbing pieces, larger heavy cars before then wandering off to the next big adventure?

You drive me totally potty almost every day..

and yet...

I wouldn't change (any of) you for the world!

I know that this too shall all pass, 

I also know that when it does I shall miss it more than words will ever be able to express

For as much as I moan as I try to take pride in my home, I take a greater pride in all your creative mess 

and you wont here the thoughts of wonder and marvel at the said mess that circle my mind as I mumble and stumble around 'tidying'

You've got to love the workings of a mamas mind!

High Tea with Teddy and Sunrise...

Last weekend Lolly was at a loose end and invited Loopys' little friend to come around with her teddy for High Tea!

There was pink lemonade, jam sandwichs, sweeties that were pink and much more.

The boys joined in only because there was food there, Fonzy has a passion against pink at the minute but the novelty and food helped him over come this

***

We have had some spectacular sunrises and sunsets of recent...truely breathtaking ones.  They have been flashes of brilliance...forcing me to stop, breath, appreciate and move on to the day in a more mindful state.

These were taken on the same morning, cold, crisp, clear.

I've managed to not photograph most of the mornings, as to be honest I have so many other things to do at 7.30am but I have so appreciated seeing them

Lolly has been taking snaps of some awesome sunsets...ones that you have to see to believe to be real.

***

I've been to town this week for a wander around the shops after toddlers.  The shops are back to normal now and almost bearable!  I managed to pick up a couple of books at the charity shops and a couple of bargains from the local ELC.  The ELC in our town is closing down, it's been there since Abba was tiny and it's a bit sad to see it go in all honesty.

Aside from that it has been a quiet week, the tree and decorations came down last week and the house looks almost bare without the bunting etc on the walls.  It has been nice to go through the house and get us back to normal, put the new toys into their new homes and settle back into our daily rhythms.

The mild weather has made me look forward to Spring even more than normal...we have avoided the long hard winter that was predicted in the summer.  No snow yet this year, fingers crossed we get a couple of days of the white stuff...

Solstice has meant that the days are lighter for longer and I think it's the fact that when I come home from dropping Bob off the sun is now rising and when we get home from the school run there is still a few moments of light left for the children to play out on their scooters and bikes before the street lights come on and they come on home...

Crikey what to call another catch up post?...

How much can one busy mama forget to post about in such a short absence?  Quite a bit it would seem...it's not an excuse but we have been so, so busy.

Loopys' birthday was wonderful, she did all she wanted to do and shared it all with us and it was just wonderful!

I did take photo's and I will upload them.

We have also been preparing for Christmas celebrations, not so much buying but the baking of gingerbread, making of paperchains, the tree came down this weekend and looks just amazing.

Oh the simple things like an advent calender without chocolates that the children STILL look forward to opening every morning, the Quality Street wrappers that we've been saving for the past month have now been transformed into beautiful window snow flakes, air dry clay into shapes and old favourite decorations being remembered and aaahed over again

The home looks so warmly and welcoming.  

Abba has been poorly and had to spend a few days in hospital last week with a kidney infection & ketosis.  It knocked her for seven, she's lost a rake of weight but is home again and well.

I can put of no longer the need to go shopping for Christmas gifts, I dislike shopping on the best of days but the thought of spending time being hustled and bustled leaves me cold.

Late night shopping may just prove to be my light at the end of the tunnel.  

I have looked for gifts and as we all know there is a lot out there to tempt you but I can't bring myself to buy just any old tat, less really is more and the thought of buying tat to be shoved in a corner at the end of January makes me want to weep so for as much as I've looked and hmmed I keep coming home empty handed.

So there you have it, I have mails to respond to, thank yous to be sent and just so so so much more still to do so for now I 'think' this might just be my final post before the New Years Day one...but you never know I may wrestle the PC from the hands of the PC literate in the house and find that magical 25th hour in the day to upload photo's and create a post to go with them!

We'll see eh...

Feeling Upbeat...

No reason for it but I am really feeling upbeat!!

I've stopped telling myself that I'm in a slump (say it enough times and it's bound to come true) and I'm feeling just plain old good.

We've been busy at home...dare I say it but I might be getting into the swing of Christmas preparations.  I've had my pre Christmas urge to deck the halls and have started painting the front room/lounge.  Not a huge colour difference, a little lighter, brighter and minus all the finger prints that we seem to have accrued on the old paint.  The old colour was a mix of what I had in the shed and was only just enough to do the room, no leftovers for touch ups...and where I've scrubbed some walls the colour had become uneven...so perfect time to splash a bit of paint around!

To buy a bit of time to put a second coat of paint I got the glitter and paints and I had to chuckle with the sight of Loopy sat on the table painting, at least a bottle of glitter on the floor and Fonzys tongue sticking out yet again in concentration.

That tongue really does need to be out to get the right results!

♥

I've also taken my HUGE pine mirror down and finally painted over it!!  Such a simple thing to do and done in one night once the children were to bed but it has totally changes the whole room.
I love the result and the little hearts I've made for Priddy Priddy look perfectly at home on the 'new' mirror.
I've also painted the doors in the room, they are cheap boring doors which were brown and sucked the light from the room, I've wanted to do it for ages but never been brave enough to...I think I like it, only 1 coat on so far but already the room is bouncing the light back.  It's a funny room, long narrow and even on the brightest of days a bit dull, the light is grey and cold.  

My final Vintage Fair with Priddy Priddy (for 2011 at least) is next week up at Stony Stratford so I will have the room clear of  Priddy clutter in time for Christmas...although some stock may just make it into the home for the festive season.

Photo's to follow eventually for anyone who may be slightly interested and to remind me how it looked!

Benefits of a large family and good days...

There are too many to list but one is that the older children all have their own various bits of wonderful technology including cameras!

Lolly has very kindly offered me the use of her camera until I can afford a replacement

So once it's charged (which will be by morning) we should be back to sporadic, random photo's!!

Today was a good day, we started work at the table (home edding) and I realised that we are both bored by the repetition in what we're doing...so we headed to the book store and picked up a few work books to spice the sessions up and go over what we've already covered but in a fresh new way.

Add to this I've mislaid my little book of Phonics - which is a disaster and will hopefully re-appear in the general tidy up of the dining/play room!

We had a lovely walk around the town, well from one book store to another.  Fonzy walked the whole way which given his attention span and need to run EVERYWHERE at full pelt was quite an acheivment!!

I managed to take back a couple of pairs of trousers that I bought for Loopy which although sized for a 7/8yr old just didn't fit her 5yr old little self.  We swapped them for some horrible Hello Kitty joggers and a really quite nice Hello Kitty top/tunic.  Im not a label fan but for once she got to have a say in it and to be honest it was worth it just to see her big smiley grinning face.

My sis and her daughter L's came round for dinner tonight, a delicious if I say so myself roast with all the trimmings and baked potato mash {yummy}

I roasted the chicken on top of some veggies (peppers, onions, chilli, ginger & pineapple) and have the base for the most delicious sweet and sour sauce - honestly it's so good it could be a food group in it's own right

I've saved the chicken carcus to make a decent stock to give home-made soup a whirl - have a few recipes that have been kindly passed my way to try as well so success is in the air ( see half full glass and all that )

Even managed to get the first coat onto a couple of lovely Ercol chairs I picked up recently before the rain set in.

Tomorrow is toddlers for us..not my favourite trip out but they do enjoy it and we stop for a bun at the bun shop on the way home.

Yep all in all an excellent day...hope everyone is having a good week so far but 

{{a hug}}

from me to you if your not

(we all need a hug sometime)

***