Falling out of Love...

I have fallen out of love with my home....

I think perhaps it happened around the time when Fonzy was born, when soon after my Gran became ill and every day felt like a fight for her health.  
Watching her grow weaker and weaker, slowly becoming less the amazing woman I loved.  Reversing our roles.

And then when she died, my heart quite literally broke.

  Overwhelmed and unable to cope with more than crowd/fire control it slowly slipped away from being my true little oasis to simply a house that we live in.  

On the surface all looks well; almost fine and dandy.  

But look beyond the daily family wear and tear you see it is somewhat 'shabby' and not really all that 'chic'!

This week I have finished painting the walls on the landing and stairwell and as predicted the woodwork is looking a tad rough {scuffed and chipped and why oh why does it yellow so much?}.  The carpet on the stairs already looked a bit grubby but with the finger printed walls it looked reasonable; now it looks awful.

The doors look fresh with a coat of paint, but now the bathroom is looking dull in comparison to the nice clean white matt door.

Finally though I think I am beginning to really become happy again here.  Possible finally truly happy within myself.  

I've made the right noises till now, but my heart wasn't in it.

 Going through the motions, doing absolute bare minimum to keep afloat.  

The turnaround started last year, painting and clearing the bedrooms was a good start.

Our home is modern and would be a reasonable size for a normal sized family but we are an almost super sized family!  
And there are no spare surfaces, spaces or corners.  This bugs and frustrates me.

To fit in furniture other doors have had to be removed and this gives a lovely open plan feel to downstairs but it does mean there are NO quiet or private spaces.

And when I was feeling so very overwhelmed I needed space.   

Resentment built, not loving the home made it a house.  

Now perhaps it is the weather, the sun always makes me see things in a happier lens, but I feel a difference.

I want to feel proud of my home again, not embarrassed. 
That I care is a good sign.

It's not all about going out and buying new furniture {although we have started a savings fund to replace the sofas}...I do however want to give this house a bit of TLC.  
Fix or replace what is broken. 
Im not setting any goals or targets; it's not a race or competition and to be honest I'm not up for feeling like a failure when I miss deadlines or targets.



{{ Happy Weekending }}
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