Green Eyed Monster...

I try very, very hard to push that churning, miserable, happiness sapping Green Eyed Monster firmly back into the pit of my stomach.

I have so very, very much to be grateful and happy with in my life...

but...

every now and then that rotten little monster creeps chokingly up my throat.

So what you ask am I bitching about today?

I'm wanting me space.

A space to call my own.  

Not to escape my family, oh no! 

I have the sense enough to realise the time with my little ones is borrowed time and precious...

I'm talking about time and space for me.

One day in the not so distant and now clearly visible future my littlest man will go to school.  One day I will need to fill my days with productive, cash rewarding work.

And there we spot that snipey little monster rearing its horrible head.  

I'm jealous of those lovely mamas who are able to create their little empires on their own terms doing what they love and what they are good at.

I'm not proud of this jealousy but I have to acknowledge it, to show it the light of day before kicking it firmly in the nuts and shutting it back in the dark!

I have a dream, a wish, a real want...

a space to take my suitcase of wonders, my paints, my old battered pieces of furniture, my sewing machine, my fabrics, my yarns, my books, my magazines...

my me-ness

To turn that space into a 'studio' a place of creation and work. 

Perhaps after a time working in the 'real world' the stars will fall into alignment, Gran will keep an eye out for me and hey presto without causing hardship to my families finances I will find this space of wonder?

It's all ifs, buts and maybes.

In my dream world I have it all!

A small retail unit, in a friendly little town, with space at the back to work and be me.

A family business, where my kiddos as they grow could lend a hand, where at the end of the day we head home to my brood and swap stories of our day, sharing it all.

**Wouldn't that just be peachy and perfect?**